What the fuck does this mean? [21 Dec 2004|12:51pm] Well, I got to my moms house just fine. Installing all the messnegers and junk like that now. Yay for dial up. -_-;; Anyway, I had a WEIRD ass dream, and I've decided to post it up now to let everyone read, and see what they think. Man oh Man oh Man, I had some weird ass dreams last night. I had dreamt that I was back in Kentucky again, and I went to see Autumn of course, the thing thats really weird is that this time, she had a brother and she doesn't have a brother at all. It was CRAZY weird. Anyway, we were talking and something happaned where I was trying to get her to come outside or something, and her brother started to get pissed. And by pissed, I mean he wanted to try to kill me. So hes chasing me, and Autumns running with me. So what do I do? I get by some traintracks (for some reason it was the same area behind my grandmas house. I think I thought autumns house was my sisters trailer. x.x), and Hes just standing there staring at us, and then he falls over, I think. I don't remember it all, so I'm filling in the blanks as I go along. Anyway,He stops and just stares at us and then says "Sorry, I can't control myself anymore, they have control of me. (talking about Yerks from Animorphs. Weird, I know.) He then gets up and says that he should be fine for now, as long as he doesn't go back, so I eye him a bit, and tell him to come with us. So he comes with us and all that good jazz, and we start to go somewhere, where suddenly we get attacked. I start freaking out, and tell Autumn to get into wolf form. So I get on my hands and knees, and start to morph into a wolf. Tom, or Jack cause I called him both in my dream, Told us to run. Autumn morphs as well, (I don't know how she did.) and we run and run as fast as our wolf bodys would run, wich is pretty fast. When we stoped, we morphed out of our wolf bodys, so I grabed Autumn anbd hugged her tightly, and told her I didn't want anything bad to happen to her, ever. It was really weird. Then Tom, or Jack, whatever. Forever known as Tom from now on. He told Autumn to get out, so she did. She ran, but I knew where she was going to go so it was ok. It was Tom and me know, Face to face. So I did what anyone would do when they were faced with fighting their freind/love intrests brother. I ran again. This time I ran into a building, and hid by a washingmachine or dyer. I used something that made a hologram appear over me, so I looked like another dryer just sitting there. Tom came in, looked around, and asked for help from one guy, so the guy came out and helped started looking around. Tom then saw the extra dryer, and asked the guy what it was. The guy told him it was just a normal dryer, so Tom then kicked it. When he kicked it, the hologram blinked for a minute but ignored it. When he ignored it, it freaked me out. So he and the guy leave, and I look around. I turn off the hologram and run to meet back with Autumn. We meet up somewhere in some woods, and she hugs me, and I hug her. Then Tom comes back and says "I had to, if I hadn't they would have killed me." He then kneels to his sister, and tells her "You have someone who loves you and will protect you now, so don't worry." He then stands and looks at me and says "GEt out of here." So I look at him and say "What about you? We can get you out." He then says "No, no you can't. No one gets out." I then say "But we got Vissar 1 out. Shes with her son now." He raises a brow and looks at me skeptically, and shurgs "That was Vissar 1! I am only Vissar 3 1/2". I then tell him how weve beaten Vissar 3 before and after he became the new Vissar 1. So he thinks and decides to follow us. Were running and all that good jazz, and boom, its night. We appear in Danville I think, and Neji(from Naurto) as well as Naruto(also from Naruto) appear. We start talking, and then we start walking, cause we got to go get a friend. We are walking and talking and someone says "Are we gonna swap out elements" and I was like "Hell yea!" So I start to change some summon magic thingies from Golden sun around, but it is effecting Real life In my dream. So I look up and we are in a car now. I blink a few times, and then we pull into a drive way. We get out, and I go "Fuck, whos car is this?" And someone says "Its Neji's." I was like "No shittin'? Its pretty nice." And then something happens, and we start to push the car around and then Tom comes out and goes "Yo, Stop fuckin' around!" So then we look, and the cars out of gas, right? So we look around, and see another car, and start to syphon gas out of it, and a cop comes by. We drop the hose and start to head back for the car, when Tom goes "I told you dumb shits not to be fuckin' around." And a big arguement breaks out and the cop says "Son of a bitch, stop fucking around you kids!" So we stop, and then the cop tells us instead of us getting in trouble, hes gonna get gas for us. So he calls into the station tog et someone to bring down 2 five gallon things of gas for us, when Stan(yea, another of my friends) comes out and says "Officer, why do that? We can walk! Save the money and give it to some needy kids for christmas!" And then all of a sudden my step dad starts to knock on the door, and wakes me up, ending this weird dream. Thats not all that happened, but its what I remember mostly. Is that not weird or what? I mean, Autumn was my best friend when I lived in KY, but she called me Baba and I called her Sissy, so there was no love connection going on. Oh yea, plus I was 10! I've been having weird ass dreams lately about Kentucky anway, all having Autumn in em... I've decided I am going to go to college somewhere close to home now. I'm going to watch over Grandma, plus I want these damn dreams to end. Its all good. I've just kept having weird dreams about KY. Maybe its the water in Danville. The people there are kinda crazy. 2 people do| You know you love me

Why??? [22 Aug 2004|01:50am] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | Beatles - Come Together ] Why... Why am I writing this? Thats easy, I want to get it out, I want to let it get heard, I want it to be ignored, I want it to destroy me, while it liberates me. I want it to make it so I am alone, while I am surrounded by people. I want... Bah, enough I wants for now... Why? Why do I always look at people, and think that they might have something in them that make them good? Why do I always think that theres something that makes them the way they are? Why do I think that people cant possibly be the way they are? why... WHY? Why do I always think that people have a motive, wether its good, bad, or even if they know there is one? Why do I make it seem as if I try to fit in, and yet... I try to stand out? Why do I feel akward with my freinds? Why do I feel as if I am standing out, and everyone is staring at me when no one even gives a damn if I say anything, or not? Why in the HELL do I always look at people and see how they look and judge them? Why do I feel the most comfortable with the unattractive people? How come when I see a girl that is supposed to be unattractive, I go "Wow, shes cute..."? Is it because I look at them and think that they might know what its like to be me? Be the one that is always self concouis, no matter what? Even If I do have a girlfreind, I think that... Is it wrong for me to think this way? Is it wrong for me to even think? I don't know... Why am I always sitting infront of my computer? Why am I always the one that wants to stay home, while at the same time, I wan't to go out, and do stuff? Why? Why does my mind make me want so many things, when I can only have so few? Why? Why am I the one that has looked at so much weird stuff on the internet, its the regular soft core porn that turns me on? Why do I feel like a girl has the be wierd to like me? Why did I think that Heather had something wrong with her? Why do I think that a freind can not be a lover at the same time, and yet, I am a lover with my best friend? Why do I have this weight of reponsibilty on my chest? Why? Why do I want to go "home" when I haven't lived there in over seven years, and I am just seventeen? Why do I say I hate this place, and yet... It has taken me, and thrust itself inside of me, makeing it part of me, making it part of my life. Why? Why does my mind tell me two diffrent things? And Home? What is home? Is home the place you live, the place you want to live, the place where your family is? What is it? Why? Why am I so damn confused? Why does everything make me think, and yet, I don't care about anything at all? Why? Why do I care for the one I love as much as I do? I only met her online, and yet, I want to just be there, and be with her. Why? Why do I want out of here, and yet, I want to stay? Why? Why am I the one that has to be the joke? Why? Why do I always make myself the joke, knowing I hate it? Why? Is it my "place?" Is it what I am supposed to be? I don't know... Why? Why don't I get off my ass, and do something positive? Why? Why do I sit here and think about this? Why? Why do I claim to love music, yet I can't play it? I can't sing it? I can't do anything and yet, I say I love it. Why do I say I love games that I suck at? Why? Why are my best friends Jason, Long, Mike, Nathalie... Why? Why are two of my best freinds online, and the other two are here? Why can't we all be around together? Why? Why do I feel like I am just going on, and on, and on? Why do I think that I only do the things I do out of fear of going to hell? Why? Why do I think that if I do what Im supposed to do, I won't go to hell? Why? Why do I think that if I think like this, I am going to go to hell? Why? Why do I fear hell? Why do I fear God? Why? Why? Why do I fear Nathalie as much as I do? Why do I fear losing the people I care about? Why? Why do I want to play a game, Write, sing, Dance, cry, sit, sleep, all at once? Why? Why did I almost break down earlier when my Great Grandma went to the hospital today? Why did I curl into a ball, and just pray and sleep? Why didn't I talk to my dad? Why did I just run downstairs and hide? Why do I make myself lie to myself, and make myself believe that it didn't ever happen? Why? Why am I still scared, even tho its just Bronchotis and a Urinary Tract Infection? Why do I cry sometimes at night for no reason? Why do I cry and think about my family dying? Why? Why do I care so much? Why am I such a... pussy? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why am I writing this???? Why? Why? Why.... 1 people do| You know you love me

...Damn [15 Aug 2004|12:43am] [ mood | complacent ] [ music | Puddle of Mudd - Blurry ] ...Goddamn. Its fun having freinds over, but... Damnit, I can masturbate now... Bah. Thats just the start of it. Not only that, but I found out Cindy, a girl in Martinsville, likes me... I think. And I used to like her... but she had a boyfreind, and well, they are broke up now. Shes acting weird... Bah... Another thing. I am tired of life, it is getting boring. I am coming online, and find solace in just a few people... Nathalie, Mike, Um... Umm... Ryan... and... um... well... fuck.... Bah... I am tired, and kinda bored.. but... damn... *shakes his head* I know, In Coherant rambilings.... You know you love me

...I am a pervert... [14 Aug 2004|11:15am] [ mood | content ] [ music | X Japan - Art Of Life ] Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah... Well, I got a new Manga today... it is called "Negima". Its one of those "Ages 16+" ones.  Anyway, I got the first two volumes, and went to go pay for them... Untill I relized that there was a girl there I know from school. I have only talked to her once or twice in the library, but... I didn't really want to look like a perv infront of someone at school (not many at school know how I am one. ^-^;;), so I walked around the store for like, 10 minutes untill she moved from the counter... I was playing my own little stealth game... and I won! But... yea. I felt like an old pervert that was trying to take a peek at a girls panties cause of the way I was doing it... But yea... Anyway, other news. Joyce had some singing thingie out of town, so me and dad went to Red Lobster and got sea food! Yay! We got some nacho's from there. so I couldn't eat all my food. (Yea I know. Nice resturant, and we get nachoes. -_-; we are such slobs)  Also, I have tomarrow all to myself... My dads working, Joyce is goin back outta town for some singing thingie, so YAY! I havent had the house to myself in a long time... maybe ill get up before 12 tomarrow... Eh... but yea... If I think of anything else, Ill repost... See yall. 2 people do| You know you love me

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